With summertime liquor at five o'clock

Been drinking too heavy on Adderall

I listen to the last message that you left

Then the voice from the suicide hotline

So come on, come on, dark star, been loving you and I

The music of my favorite artist plays in my headset as I continue running. Sweat beats tickles down my forehead burning my eyes and I lift my hand, wiping the sweat off from the fabric of my shirt which has been sticking on my body.

I want attention. I crave attention, but this is the first time in my nineteenth year of life, I don't want anyone to look at me. Well, they won't see, considering it's just four fifteen in the morning, and I am on a run. If my friends don't find me in the dorm, they will probably assume I went on a run because that's what I do every day.

A good body is a must need.

And I need to lose a little more weight to show that son of the bitch. Not my body—but how I am going to enjoy my life. I will make him pay for ruining my birthday and leaving that fucking mark on my thigh. No way he did that to me. How could he? That cockroach—Yes, I will call him a cockroach. Suits him.

The sun hasn't risen yet, it's still a bit dark. The fresh, cold wind fills my lungs as I continue running for longer, challenging my capabilities. Does he think he won? But how am I going to show him his place? I shouldn't have made out with a popular guy like him. The good-looking boys from romance movies are so different, and I ended up making a fool of myself. Regretting my decisions like woah!

Fucking bitch, Varya.

My lungs burn and white spots form in front of my eyes, but I assure myself that I can run, just a bit more. I need to get rid of that one extra kilogram I gained because of beer. Fuck you, Ivy, for this.

My feet came to a halt the moment I saw the end of the road. The chasm looked at me even before I reached the point where I could make eye contact with the darkness down and I stepped back. Being a person who fears heights, I usually try my best to not let anyone know about my weakness but a few of my friends know.

Why and how did I end up here? Taking a few steps back, I whirled around and started running in a random direction as if the darkness of the chasm would pull me towards it. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.”

My heart beats like crazy in my rib cage and it wouldn't be a rib cage, I bet I would be holding my heart in my palm. After I woke up yesterday with a sharp pain in my head and a few—actually a lot of beer cans beside me—I understood I drank until I could and gradually passed out but again how the fuck did I came back home. But, most importantly, how the fuck did I let a man touch me? Especially Ming. Like yuck.

There is still the three finger mark on my thigh covering my tattoo.

The moment my eyes caught a glimpse of an empty plot with half constructed buildings I understood this is the best place to rest and since it's abandoned. Plus point: It's located in an abandoned area. No one is going to have any issues.

To my surprise, the door was opened, but I didn't bother looking for a reason as I continued running.

Keeping my hands on the knees, I lowered myself to breathe and slowly removed the headset from my ears. Sweat droplets fall on the sand as the faded sound of music makes its way to my ears.

Taking an inhale from my mouth, I lift my eyes to look at the sky. “Fuck you, Ming.” I yell on top of my lungs. “You son of a cockroach. Double fuck you.” I yell.

Unbuttoning the first button of my shirt, I allowed the air to pass through my body, leaving a cooling sensation every time the sweat made its contact with cold winds. “You know what Ming, the cockroach. I am going to toss you in the dustbin and then make sure to dump you in the ugliest sewage.” I yelled again. At this moment, I don't care whether someone heard me or not.

“Have I come here—before?” I asked myself, but I think I haven't.

I didn't shed tears like Ivy did when her boyfriend cheated on her. Instead, I kept on looking at the photo Ming posted with a girl in his lap. I was so fucking clueless about everything going around me, like I played things on 2x speed. “The girlfriend of the year.” That wasn't exactly how things were supposed to go.

I still can't forget how Hannah questioned him and he said. “We were never dating, actually. It was just a thing.” Here, we mean Ming and I. The son of a bitch.

I couldn't let him win, so I did one thing. I told him that I am also dating someone, and he is hot, which actually doesn’t exist. My friends know I was lying after all they saw me getting drunk yesterday and gaining three kgs but the way Ming’s smile dropped when he realized that I dumped him way before he did, but the truth doesn't change. He dumped me. Like how he asked me to show him my boyfriend. Poor boy.

Ming questioned me yesterday after I was out of my breakup phase and my hangover phase too, asking about it since when I have been cheating behind his back. Trust me when I say he was pissed off. I told him that I wasn't cheating on him, exactly how he replied to Hannah when she questioned him ever since when he has been cheating on me with that fucking bitch. The fact he repeated the same questions again and also demanded I introduce him to my boyfriend, but I disagreed saying my boyfriend is a busy man.

Yes, call me a bitch, but you don't get to win, not when I was delusional with him and serious too. I never actually dated anyone before Ming, but I couldn't let him win after how he cheated on me. We were dating. I know I should have slapped him, but that would mean that he won, but this will haunt him in his dreams.

The sound of a horn made its way to my ears and I jumped, turning back I was ready to run back to my dorm when a black Lambo came into view. So the horn belonged to it?

Ming has a Lambo too, is he stalking me like last time? I remember when we had a fight, he followed me in this Lambo the next morning when I went to run. Jerk.

Taking a few jogging steps towards it. I stand right outside the driver's seat. The windows are black, so I knocked on it, but there was no response.

“It's fun right? Motherfucker always got his minions looking for me? Don't fucking tell me it's you. I am going to ruin that cockroach face of yours.” I grabbed the handle, pulling it, but it didn't open.

“Do that but remember an asshole like you have lost me, but I still have a lot to gain and—you fucking don't deserve me. The nail extensions I pay for are more expensive than the bills you pay at clubs.” I turned my half body, ready to run back to the dorm but stopped giving him a last glare.

Damn, this man didn't even open the door, but he heard me. “Stop stalking me like a jerk. It's not even hot. You cockroach.” I flipped him a middle finger and put on my headphones running away from him.

That's it. I feel good after showing him his place.

✯

“Are you going to skip your breakfast?” My roommate, “That's not skipping the meal, that's called maintaining the diet, Hannah.” I say, applying the mascara on my eyelashes.

“But, you are perfect, Varya. Look at you. Do you even know how many girls are jealous of you?”

“I know, but, what can I do—I can't do anything if their boyfriends are holding a rose for me.” I say, and it's not a lie, but to achieve this body, I work a lot. Sometimes adding a single extra calorie to my meal scares me.

“Then stop skipping the meal. You are literally surviving on bananas these days.”

“And ice cubes too, I got this from a K-pop artist. They go on a strict diet and often eat Bananas or ice cubes, so yes.” I said, applying some blush on my cheeks. A long sigh left her mouth as she took a few steps towards me before sitting on the chair beside mine.

“You scare me sometimes, I mean it—” Our conversation comes to a full stop the moment the door opens, and three girls head inside. Emma, Victoria, Sophia steps inside the room. Victoria is wearing a black dress that hugs her body really well and stops around her mid thighs. She is a Canadian with a bob cut which suits her.

Sophia and Emma are American. They are beautiful as well and to be honest, when I stepped into this University they were the one who talked to me saying that I was beautiful, and they would love to be friends with me.

“If you guys are done talking, shall we leave?” Emma says.

“Just give me five minutes, I am still left to choose a dres–” Emma cuts me off with a sigh.

“Why are you always fucking late, Varya?” Emma roared.

“Always late? You better know what you are saying.” Did I mention that Hannah doesn't like Emma? She often calls Emma the leader of our group and we as her minions always listen to her, but that's not true. She listens to us.

“Sorry your highness but I am talking to my friend and not you.” Yes, everyone who comes to the Central University of London is a privileged kid. You can call them a nepotism product, but that's how things go and since Emma’s parents are in the Ministry, she is often given more privileges, but that doesn't mean she can mess with the princess, at least not when Hannah is surrounded by her bodyguards.

Emma turned her gaze at me and said. “I am going, come to the uni when you are done.” I hoped for Victoria and Sophia to wait, but they left too.

I guess.

The moment the door slammed behind them, Hannah looked at me. “Your true friends, my social butterfly.” I didn't miss the slight change in tone when she said ‘true’

✯

The moment I stepped out of the washroom, her head turned to look at me. Her jaw hung. “What!” I asked her.

“Ridiculous.”

“Don't tell me Ming posted something absurd in the group.” I spoke, walking towards my full-length mirror and re-touching my makeup. “Guess what, bitch? He did it on Instagram.”

Pulling out my phone, I looked at my dm, filled with numerous messages. “My dm is filled with messages.”

Even though we are in our first year of University, our group is popular on the whole campus. Sometimes even seniors hit on us and all we do is blow a kiss and walk out flipping our hair.

My Instagram sets a perfect example of absolute shit. “Why haven't I unfollowed him yet?” I murmured, looking at Ming’s recent post with his new girlfriend.

“Is it his Instagram or just a fucking slut page?” Hannah said while I continued looking at the new photo he posted.

There is a photo of Ming kissing—No licking, his girlfriend's cleavage whose name I often forget. Yuck!

But the interesting part is that there are more than ten thousand likes and seven thousand comments.

Xoxo.who: How did they break apart? They were such a good couple. Varya and Ming.

Broke apart?

Ddddis: Ming darlin’ why didn't you keep a close eye on your girlfriend. I heard she was dating someone behind your back? If you need napkins, feel free to contact me.

That's David, one of Ming’s friends and let me tell you—he is the craziest ugly guy.

Whoiswho: Who cheated on whom?

Definitely not me, but who cares?

Ddddis: Nevermind boy, you already have a good pussy.

I want to unfollow him, but that would mean I'll have to throw him out of my following list, and he won't be able to enjoy my Instagram story and burn his ass.

Plenty of emojis with hearts are spam. Some are appreciating the picture, while some are thinking of trying to be my boyfriend.

Tugging my phone in the pocket of my jeans, I walked forward, lifting my head high and walked straight to my friend. “Let's go.”

“This boy is vulgar, how did you even decide to date him?” I rolled my eyes, then grabbed her arm and started pushing her towards the door. The moment we opened the door, Ming stood right in front of me. “Oh my my, look who we have, Hannah.” I said sarcastically.

“Did you perhaps forget the room number of your girlfriend?” Ming rolled his eyes, tugging his hands in the front pocket of his jeans. “I need to talk to you.”

“I don't.”

“And I want to.”

✧

Standing at the junction of the corridor, I folded my arms across my chest and looked at him. “Why did you do that?” He roared.

Chucking a little, I cursed him in Russian–of course he doesn't know that. “Don’t you get tired of repeating the same thing every day?”

“At first I thought you lied but when I saw you kissing a man and going with him, I understood you actually cheated on me.” Wait, what? I kissed someone? And went out with someone? So that mark on my thigh is not given by him?

Who then?

“I felt like I needed some adventure in my life, you were just the bland food that even my dog wouldn't eat. Too bad for my taste.” Ming eyes narrowed, anger and jealousy is completely visible in his green eyes.

“Bland? Adventure? Bad?” He chuckled and continued speaking. “Did Varya the brat forget how she begged me to kiss her?” I scoffed and even though I was embarrassed for my past actions, there was no way I was going to let that outshine me. Yes, I wanted to know how it feels to kiss, but Ming never really kissed me; it was always a peck on my lips.

“And did Ming the manwhore forgot that I dumped him.” He took a step forward, but I didn't take my step back, I stood there looking into his eyes, challenging him to bring whatever the fuck he had.

“I will make your life hell.” Someone, please remind his invisible brain cells that he cheated on me, not the other way. “Say it again.”